Southern Men...Southern Women

I was born outside of the Civil War Zone....in Indian Territory. Part of my family came from Bleeding Kansas. They were targets for both sides. I read family hand-me-downs on what happened and it simply wasn't good. Nightmare material. BUT....I was raised in the South....although some would consider Texas another country altogether. I moved out of the South for a season and lived in Colorado....definitely NOT steeped in sweet tea and pleasantries. The women born and raised there seemed to be dried up, not soft and womanly. Their skin dehydrated and thin...mine was wrinkle-free and smooth. The men would let a door slam in your face....no....they'd mow you down trying to get in the doorway first. When I asked how come running red lights was more the norm than not, the answer I got startled....was a matter of pride. Pride? Really? I felt stripped of my feminity...surrounded by bullies.

We're back in the South now and I find myself blushing. Big...and I mean big....men stop and wait at doorways to open them for me. And nope...not talkin' Sunday School sissies. These are co-workers....highly intelligent men....crusty engineers.....big-boned country boys. First time it happened I turned beet red and there were no words coming out of my mouth to save my life....the words came from my heart. "Thank You Sir". Even when there's stress up at the plant their eyes twinkle. Rascals..gentlemen. Raised by women who wanted the best for their sons...wanted them to feel like men...wanted the women around them to feel safe, feminine...respected for what they contribute to society. Respected for the power of a fluttered eyelash or soft, kind word spoken. Raised by fathers who understand they'll be accountable to God someday for what they do down here....including how they treat women. My boss said this past week an "Oh Daddy" pulls at his heart and his daughters pretty much get what they want....they are valuable and what they want is important to him.

There are some things I don't care for....really don't want to see you riding your mower all sweaty with your shirt off....kinda unappetizing. Not so sure I appreciate the tobacco fields and if you shoot my dog instead of a turkey, we're going to have words. However, being treated like a lady seems to soften all those things like the fog in the morning over the hills and fields...all's forgiven.

Southern Gentlemen....raised to be heroes and gentlemen. Southern Women...treated like the treasure and gift God gave Adam. It's good to be back.

Child of Mine

One thing's for certain....and that's nothing is certain, except I make mistakes....lots of them. Sometimes my brain cramps, takes a short vacation, gets numbed out on the monotony or pain of life and I go where angels fear to tread. Crown me queen of fools. I drop the pearls of my life before swine and cry when they get crushed. With my tear-stained face I look up at my heavenly father and ask him to make it all right....and for some reason He doesn't leave me....never.

I'm blessed beyond measure to have my beautiful child and most likely not for the reason you'd expect. Sure....I'm proud she rocks grades, has a tender heart, is beautiful on the inside and out.....but the biggest blessing she brings is understanding how God loves his children....and He does loves us....really, truly.... I look at her and know she isn't perfect...that she will wake up grouchy and be oh-so-lovely-to-be-around...but that doesn't stop me from loving her....forgiving her. Sure, she'll suffer some consequences of her actions and others might be hurt along the way. But I will be there for her...always am....her biggest cheerleader...ready to celebrate victory over whatever she was up against. She asked me once how come I love her so...am proud of her when she screws up. That's a mystery even to me, but I know somehow, somewhen God was knitting her together inside me, He changed me too....and I will never be the same. I knew it the first instant she made a sound at night and a switch flipped in my heart and I sat straight up in bed....God let me be worthy of the trust you placed in me with her.

Even so....God loves me more. I am not worthy to be called daughter, but He loves me anyway. Heavenly beings hear my cries at night and the Comforter comes.... Angels stand guard over me in my weakened state and my Savior sweeps up the dust of my broken dreams and hands them to the Father....I am not alone. My father hears me....forgives me.....loves me and sends incredible blessings I don't deserve. Forgiveness.....yes, my Father forgives me and I'm grateful.

Bugs, Flat Tires...Action!!

If my move to Colorado was fodder for a Lifetime Movie that's what the director would've said before we started the trek across the nation.....At times it felt like an installment of the "Chevy Chase - Family Vacation" Series of Movies. But God is good and the rental truck blew a tire near Buc-ees. That'll be the last time I drive by and wonder what's inside. While waiting for the tire repair guy to come.....who did his job in 100* heat....we got on intimate terms with the Beaver, some residents of Madisonville and our sweat glands. This leg of the journey went from "no-way" to "way no-way" when folks drove and walked up asking if we were selling our pets who were panting in the shade of the truck.... I didn't get an opportunity to shop at Lone Star Pottery...which is good because anything else added to my wordly goods would've had to make the journey in someone's lap. The guys in Texas who packed the truck accomplished a feat worthy of some sort of Nobel prize in spacial anomolies....and to their credit I've only discovered one broken item unpacking. I haven't made it through every piece of the cardboard jungle yet....so who knows what's lurking around the next slit of packing tape, but I'm hopeful based on what I've seen so far.
My husband's job is time-critical....so we stopped a time or two for the male version of 30 minutes and he made sure the water was in or out of the wells of some homes...my brains were boiled by this point and I'm suprised I remember that much of what went on. One thing I won't ever forget is the gazillions of bugs we encountered getting gas outside of Amarillo. Perhaps there was some sort of buggy Woodstock event or the first bug ever was elected govenor of Amarillo and all the bugs in the nation were enroute for the inauguration...whatever...it was an eyes-wide-open nightmare. Hubby reported in over the walkie talkes...excuse me....Trucker Man reported to Smokin' Hot Momma they sounded like rain hitting the windshield. I found them in my hair later on and woke up at night with two of them still on me. One was an earwig, so forget getting any kind of restful sleep the rest of the night....my ears itch just thinking about it.
Progress....I made this driving trip enough to know the "Welcome to Colorado" sign is just around the next curve or two and bump.bump.bump.bump.....yep, one of my tires bit the dust. The true beauty of the moment was when we unloaded my trunk and found a shredded spare tire...why the guys at the NTB on 2920 didn't tell me they put a piece of junk back in the hollow of my trunk I'll never know...God bless fix-a-flat. We managed to hobble to the Walmart in Trinidad and get a new one.....and enjoy another male 30minute work session....you ladies know what I'm talking about, don't you?? I love him dearly and have not met a gentler man....however....he has that male clock inside of him that goes forward two minutes for every one anticipated. I've listened to enough of my friends to know that he's not unique....at least in that aspect of his character.
Wish I could say I made it to my final destination that day, but I started losing it around Colorado Springs...it was either take a breathalizer test or pull over for the night. He went on home and today I see that as a victory for the family. I must've looked pretty beat up because the kiddo left her throne in the rental truck and oozed into the back seat of the car to stay with me that night. God bless her sacrifice...I know between the guinea pig cage that started stinking a couple hours earlier and all the crap...oops...treasure back there she was most likely miserable, but didn't complain a bit....is a miracle if you know either of us. After a release of anger-induced adrenaline I drove some place nearby that's familiar to me and spent the night. God's gift to me was a 62* morning...chill bumps and all and my sweetheart waiting for me at home.
All-in-all it could've been much worse...all the mammals and oviporous(my daughter assures me this is what egg-laying critters are called....see her kindergarten teacher if she's wrong) creatures made it to homebase without physical injury and what problems we did face were fixable. Dunno about the earwig situation yet...but I haven't felt anything tickling my eardrums or brains yet. We're a week into unloading boxes now....and weaving our loot and hearts together with the help of the Master Weaver who brought us together in the first place. It's all good....life is good....but if he walks in here anytime soon and says were moving I might lose it altogether....I've had my fill of cardboard, bugs and flat tires for quite some time.

Just Say No to Cardboard...

Happen to be the most unmarried, married woman on the planet...or at least that's how it feels tonight. Hopped on a plane less than 12 hours after signing on the dotted line "Mrs. Frechin" for the first time and came back home to face piles of cardboard, a child who does/doesn't want to move based on some intangible something not yet identified, and a husband who's busy making a place for us and not as readily available to talk as he was before we got married. I've willingly walked away from a job....call me crazy for doing this during a recession and send me to the shrink's chair if you feel like it. We aren't leaving "family" behind. Those folks live many miles away or are too busy to stop and enjoy the blessings of family...I grieve the things they've traded for a fast-paced life...but that's their business, not mine. However, I am leaving the "family" that's sprung up around us and this hurts even more since friendship is a gift freely given. My girlfriends are awesome women...they call and watch my kiddo...extend invitations to slumber parties with her friends and in general lift me up and point my face to the sun...fishing my sunglasses out of the Gulf of Mexico with their toes if necessary. Laid in bed for awhile tonight feeling such a sense of loss where family is concerned and realized I've had it all along.
As far as the cardboard city we've got going on in our home....it won't last forever and I've had a chance to weed out a lot of unsavory items which velcroed their way into our treasure a long ago. One thing that's tucked in and around the remaining crystal vases and stuffed animals is the support of the women I call friends...it's a priceless gift I've been given and I'm grateful for it.

Old Friends....New Memories

I've had some of the sweetest friends growing up....still growing in case you're wondering. It's a life-long project for me. Besides, who wants to lose the right to kick an icecube under the fridge or paint their toes bubblegum pink with "diamonds" and butterflies on the big ones. Lost contact with two who are very close to my heart for about 20years and 'poof' they're back. Joy! Listening to them talk is like wallowing in a sense of comfort and well-being. Catching up on so much time was quick...a photo album here, a hug and a tear over there...the only think marking time was a kiddo and one hubby (well, two, but you're not here sweetheart). The memories it stirred in me are so special.....the old women at the Ricky Van Shelton concerts with their lighters....trying to find an unlocked bathroom in Selma - well, trying to find an unlocked anything in Selma, AL...car shows...and hours and hours of talking...moving...listening...laughing. I'm grateful for the friends in my life....all of them. Each and every one rubbed shoulders with me and left a bit of their sparkle behind. Am reminded I get self-absorbed at times and am not the kind of friend I should be, BUT a good girlfriend will shrug her shoulders and blame it on boy problems or PMS...cuz that's just what we do.

Just Passing Through....

A friend of mine posted recently "this too shall pass".....yep, sure enough...wait long enough and most things go away. Praise God we're not stuck at point A for our entire lives....as for me, I'm kinda curious what's at points X, Y, Z...but not anxious to get there at lightning speed. What I have found is some things pass easily - and if you haven't changed a dirty diaper you might be too squeamish for this blog - like jello and some things not-so-easy like barbed wire.
The first time I heard this was in a support group. I made the comment "this too will pass" flippantly and an old-timer stepped up and replied with the barbed wire comment. Gosh, that's been almost 8 years ago and it's stuck with me (no pun intended THAT time :) ).
That's stuck in my brain today. What am I swallowing?? What will it feel like going down?? Is it really worth it in the end?? Then again, I'm reminded of Ishmael's mom....what a spot to be in. Asked a minister friend of mine once if she had a choice.....after telling me I ask hard questions....he thought about it and said no. She was a slave/handmaiden and had no rights. So her plate was full of garbage and her only choices were swallow it or death. God took pity on her and blessed her son as the leader of a mighty nation (not going into politics here....just concentrating on the woman and her plate of crud). Instead of seeing her as "the other woman" I see her as a woman dished up an ugly meal and am glad I didn't see her name on my plate.
I look at my life and am blessed....yes....I've swallowed plates full of stuff that should only be served with bananas and a piece of barbed wire or two....but the process has left me leaner spiritually, mentally and emotionally.

God....if you can...I'd really enjoy some grilled chicken salad for awhile.

End of a Long, but Good Day....

Wow...other than some seriously insane moments of sheer torture in the store room this afternoon, today has been an incredibly awesome day. Gratitude.....grab onto it and all of a sudden the sky opens up and all sorts of incredible things happen. I think maybe when I'm ungrateful....depressed or otherwise obsessed with "me" my hands are clenched in tight balls, leaving God no way to drop gifts into the palms of my hands....or worse they're on my hips and my mouth is open....ouch. But when I say I choose to be grateful all sorts of gifties get handed out....fill my hands Lord.....fill them so much I can't help but share the things that run over with others. Have you ever thought about what all is implied in the statement "my cup runneth (okay...get past the old-fashioned verbage) over" ?? The liquid runs over the rim of the cup and fall on the floor...creating a splatter and those droplets sprinkle those around you....or if someone else gets close enough you might be able to tip your cup a bit and let the overflow fill theirs too. Think sometimes God leaves the tap on a bit longer when we do that. But back to my day.....I continue to snip loose strands of my old life away....one by one...snip....snip. Today I went to get a safety deposit box drilled....NO....not my box, but someone who stuck me with the bill of theirs. The woman who helped me at the bank was a distant, ex-relative (I usually call them outlaws) and was super nice to me. I think I might've shared news the family hasn't heard yet....then again, if they'd paid the bill on the box I wouldn't have been there. Waited for 45 minutes and then presto it was done....I now have a handful of papers that mean nothing to me. What's the giftie in that....because the woman "knew" me and the situation....and because it took so long to get it done I wasn't required to pay the $150 fee. Woohoo! Then I went to pay my rent and since I'm going month-to-month now I thought I had to pay an extra $200 month. Turned in my check and got a call....Nope...not so...I pay my regular rent amount until I move.....not even questioning that one....just reveling in the gift. I was given $350 today for TCB, showing up and following the rules?? Don't think so.
This evening the doodlebug and I spent time outside with our neighbors....it's what I remember life being like when I was young. The kids played with critters....the adults sat around and talked....blessings....especially when they stared at me in disbelief when I verbalized my age....it's 40 in case you're wondering. Gratitude for the lack of wrinkles on my face....well...perhaps calling some of them dimples is a HUGE stretch. And to top it off this evening I touched base with the sister of my best friend I had from 2nd to 8th grades...hope to make contact with Stacy soon. My hands are open and God continues to pass down the most wonderful things.....need to feel blessed?? Come stand near me and let the overflow from my cup fill yours.....come on, I don't have the flu and smell pretty good for this time of night....come on and be blessed too.